Trusting

An update for my friends and family; Yesterday the doctor called, they called to tell me my white cell count is low, which is nothing new to these ears. What was different is they become concerned when white counts are around 500. Mine have been around 400, but according to my blood draw from this week I am walking around with them at 300. In addition I started having severe pain in my abdomen on Tuesday evening, which lasted into Wednesday and Thursday, but I must say has dulled considerably. I have an appointment with the doctor today at 11:00. This doesn't mean I expect to walk away with answers, because as I have learned physicians “practice” medicine hence why my chemotherapy involves several clinical trials.

This update may sound as if I am upset, and I will admit things have been tough. There are times I long for the life I once had, but recognize God has given me a much brighter future because of Cancer and so I am prepared to use His strength to get me to where I want to be. I had a good reminder this week when a package that was supposed to come on Friday arrived at my doorstep Wednesday. It was a new “Clinging Cross” that a friend made just for me. It was God’s way of reminding me to continue walking towards the light and cling to Him even when it feels impossible or counter intuitive to life’s circumstances. 

My days seem to turn around when I place my trust in Him. This reminds me of a Bible story, which I think exemplifies trials in this life. Jesus was seen literally walking on water, and He invites his disciple Peter to climb out of the boat and join Him. Peter begins to walk on water himself as he looks to Jesus, but a wind on the water makes him turns his eyes away from Jesus and he begins to sink. I can imagine what Jesus was thinking at that moment and this is my own assumption, however,  I think Jesus would have thought “ What are you doing? I am the son of God, you were just walking on water and some wind blows you, you falter, and your faith is weakened?”. God wants us to trust Him in all of life’s circumstances. Sometimes He is asking us to step out of the boat, and for some that part is easy. The difficult part for many, including myself, comes once we are on the water trusting God and trials of this world come to blow us over and we succumb to their meager authority in comparison to God’s majesty. If this update causes you to worry about me you have missed the point of my disclosure. Instead pray for me, walk towards the light, and be honest with God above who already knows how you feel.