I haven't posted a lot recently because it is sometimes hard to believe what the last ten months has consisted of. I've had almost thirty chemo infusions, two surgeries, a handful of cat scans, numerous blood draws, and lived at times in the emotional turmoil that comes with Cancer. In the last ten months I've also learned the meaning of true friendship, experienced a mixture of fulfillment and inadequacy, and recently re experienced the mundane daily aspects that get taken for granted.
As my strength returns, my hair grows back, and I continue to try and smile, the impact of the battle grows evermore distant, but a lasting mark still remains. It hoovers in my mind and in my heart, and it is the remnants of impact not only from Cancer but returning to the ordinary.
The battle not only continues for me as I return for maintenance chemo tomorrow, but for all of us who are fighting their own battles. Darkness shows up as fear, pain, heartache, failure, defeat, self-doubt, despair or even trauma, and unfortunately until we make it to Heaven not one of us can say our lives are free from such burden. In fact I know for myself at times that these feelings are given permission to rule over our lives, and we allow such control in our hearts, to lead to charge over our brains.
Our hearts and our brains are powerful. They can tell us " We are going to make it" or " What is the point?". My heart and my brain often play devil's advocate against each other. One moment it's " we got this" and the next moment I realize how enormous the obstacles in front of me are, and in the same breath how minute my problems are comparatively.
This started out as an update, and I've become sidetracked, so for those still reading I have chemo tomorrow, and will anticipate feeling pretty crummy the next couple days along with living with some severe joint pain until the chemo cycle repeats itself. I could fret over those symptoms, but I can also look forward to returning to work after I recover, and passing out Cancer Care Packs as I've done each time since I started this ministry back in February. I look forward to letting my heart lead tomorrow, and encouraging others who need a reminder that they are fighters
I'll leave you with this verse of encouragement, Act 2: 25-28. " David said about him: I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices. My body also will live in hope because you will not abandon me to the grave Nor will you let your Holy One see decay.You have made known to me the paths of life. You feel me with joy in your presence.
Be glad, rejoice, and live in hope because He will not abandon you or I. God will make a path so we can be granted the strength to continue and FIGHT LIKE GIRLS!!
If you would like to assist with Tenaciously Teal's Care pack operation you can email me at tenaciouslyteal@gmail.com or purchase a bracelet or shirt. All proceeds go to making Care packs to hand out in the chemo room.
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