10 Things to Know About Losing Your Hair to Cancer!

The first moment feeling BALD!

Embracing The Awkwardness

One thing synonymous with Cancer is the infamous bald head, and when you are diagnosed with Cancer it is one of the first things you think about and plan for. Wig, scarf, and hat shopping commence, and you tell yourself really," its' just hair"! It's just hair, but society tells us hair and looks are important, and consequently we all have become expert judges in looks and first impressions!

After my Cancer diagnosis I beat my treatment to the punch and shaved my head to avoid clumps in the shower or wake ups to hair on my pillow. Shaving my head was one of the best decisions, and for me the decision was easy. It was a proactive approach to the inevitable and something I could take control of. Although follow through was not painless, and highlighted the reality I really do have Cancer, I would not trade my decision. It required a lot of adjustment and growth, which now allows me to share a few things I learned.

1. As I said, shaving my head before chemo was one of the best decisions, and I recommend it to other fighters. I invited close friends to my home, and have shared memories of triumph, tears, and a closed chapter of hairiness.

My 1st No Hair Pic!

2. Hair is not for spirals, spikes or looks.  It has one strategic purpose.. Keeping one's head warm! 

3. There is an art to wrapping up your head with bed sheets so breezes don't keep you up at night!

4. Many don't realize but hair on your head is not the only follicles to vacate...Cancer Silver Lining..  you lose all hair, and I do mean all of it:)

5. Your eyebrows and eyelashes are the last to go, but the first to reappear.

6. People will stare at you when you have courage to step out without the Comfort of Hair!

7. You Can Overcome the whispers and stares that come with being Folliclely Impaired!

8. It's okay to feel self-conscious or embarrassed,  just remember you are a Strong FIGHTER!!!

9.  Losing you hair to Cancer gives you the opportunity to realize every cowlick and awkward hair part, that has ever rebelled against you, is actually Quite Perfect!

My husband and I. 11-2013,
Working with
what I got!

10. Find a  hair stylist to help you through the Grow Back Stage.. dun dun dun.. Folks, It's gets Awkward! Also keep it short for a couple months so hair growth cycles can catch up with each other.

Ok + 1 More...

11. Hair grows back, memories and opportunities do not! Spencer Green once said (My Cousin, now an Angel, and Cancer Fighter) you should "Enjoy Every Sandwich",  Hair or No Hair!

My Cousin, who enjoyed "Every Sandwich" singing his hit..

 "Sweet Surrender"

Listen Here!

Chemo and Care Packs

Getting instructions from one of my favorite nurses, Donna. I have
been blessed to have so many wonderful nurses to care for me!

I  finished chemo #33 last Thursday, and again made the decision to spread joy instead of focusing on the "icky" affects of chemo. Tenaciously Teal (T. Teal) handed out twenty Care Packs on Thursday, despite a little bureaucratic hindrance. We are planning to hand out thirty more in November before we start spreading "chemo cheer" with cocoa, fuzzy socks, a mug and candy cane Christmas presents we have collected for.

Before my infusion, and after passing out Care Packs in the chemo center for those battling with no medical insurance, I went to the hospital floor where I myself recovered from Cancer surgery. This process has become routine, and I've never had any problems. This day, however, a nurse wanted me to call the volunteer coordinator who proceeded to call me into his office after I explained what I was doing. I was reprimanded for not checking with their office prior to handing out Care Packs, and so you can imagine the disgruntlement when he learned this was not my first time  at the hospital, not to mention the time when my husband, dressed as a gorilla, and accompanied me to  pass out Care Packs on Halloween:)

I know what your thinking, why would I just start passing out Care Packs without permission? But that's not the case. I was given the okay by the infusion center, and had the floor managers approval when visiting patients recovering from surgery. It's never easy to hear the words " You Can't", and to be honest I was discouraged, especially when I learned I must go through a series of interviews, screenings, and all Care Pack items must receive individual clearance before I can return.

Visiting with other patients receiving chemo

 It felt like a road block intended to discourage me from       continuing this mission, but ultimately it's going to take more than screenings to stop me from fighting to spread Light! Luckily none of this pertains to continuing to pass out Care Packs at the Cancer Center where I receive treatment, but it will prevent some patients from receiving a Care Pack and encouraging word...at least until T. Teal can bust through some red tape!

If you haven't already liked us on Facebook do so to keep up with everything T. Teal is doing to spread hope and joy to those fighting Cancer! Find us at:
https://www.facebook.com/tenaciouslyteal

Continue to pray God will bless T. Teal and use this ministry to show His love for those enduring a battle with Cancer!

One of my new friends, Tom, we have gotten to visit several times
at the Cancer Center, and I enjoy seeing him each time! Tom is battling Pancreatic Cancer, and is a true fighter displayed by his constant smile and how he makes it to chemo every other week while continuing to work into retirement age!

I completed another round of maintenance chemo Thursday bringing me to 32 infusions, and one step  closer to being at "no chemo status". For those who are new to this journey I began chemo in January 2013, and will continue through April 2014. I think back to when my oncologist told me they were recommending sixteen months of chemo, and remembering I  had to position my hand so my mouth did not hang open the entire consultation. All I kept think was " sixteen months? Are you kidding me?". Sixteen months seemed like a lifetime especially when we are talking in terms of poison and its' side effects.

My beautiful mom, a Breast Cancer survivor herself,
always helps pass out Care Packs. We both learned
Thursday that T. Teal must invest in a cart.
 Care Packs are heavy!

 I have become  familiar with the chemotherapy center and processes; befriending those who are treating patients and others battling, supporting, and surviving the effects of Cancer. I've come to realize my battle is no comparison to the fight and endurance other survivors have courageously displayed. Thursday was a reminder of this reality; I met new friends who inspire me, reconnected with others who amaze me, and interacted with many who don't realize just how strong they are.

A fighter battling Ovarian Cancer for 7 years, and currently
undergoing treatment for her third recurrence. She lost her husband before
finding out about her second recurrence, and is a single mom. She's
a fighter, and inspiration to many. 

 I am so proud of the work Tenaciously Teal (T. Teal)  is doing  to connect and encourage those battling Cancer.  Thursday we went to a new chemo infusion center, and one reserved for those who don't have medical insurance. As one patient told me I am blessed to receive my chemo treatment at "The Taj Mahal", and  Thursday I saw firsthand the disparity existing in Cancer treatment. The chemo center we visited was cramped and seemed desolate. There were no windows, no fish tanks to find Nemo, it lacked tables with puzzles, magazines, hats, or bracelets, and no volunteers were making rounds pushing calories from a snack cart where the  snacks never change. In the chemo room we visited Thursday there was only  joy, courage, and smiles shining throughout a room that normally feels dark.

I wish I knew more of this kind man's story. I only know is his face lit up
 when we gave him a Care Pack, and he was extremely thankful!

 We also visited the hospital floor where I recovered from a major Cancer surgery in December 2012. At first the affects of being back on the same floor, and recalling the trauma I underwent was overwhelming, but quickly I learned I had come to where I was needed this day. After checking in at the front desk, one nurse told me to make sure I visited room 770. As I continued down the hall I realized we were quickly approaching  room 770, the same room I occupied for over a week. I knew immediately it was my room, because it backed up to the "pretty room". A room I learned despite how pretty it was it was a room you didn't want to visit. Through crying and screaming I learned it was not a room reserved for upgrades, but one created out of respect for those who had fought courageously.

A loving Cancer caregiver and I in front of the room
 I once fought in, and where a fight against
Leukemia continues.

With a knot in my throat, and a heavy heart, realizing someone again was occupying the pretty room, I knocked on the door to room 770. A young woman answered the door, and I quickly realized we shared a heavy heart. I gave her two Care Packs, one for her, and one for her young son, who battles Leukemia. Her son was receiving inpatient chemo infusions, and he was obviously very sick.

His eyes were rolled back with what seemed no ability to focus, and he was gaunt from the ailing and sickness that comes with chemo. I backed out of the room, giving a fighter his privacy, and told his mother that a lot of prayer had occurred in this same room just 10 months before when I laid there in a similar hospital bed. She broke down in tears, and she, my mom, and myself,  had opportunity to join hands and pray. Room 770 once again housed a moment where a little hope was restored, but this time in the lives of a different mother and Cancer fighter.

I continue to be blessed with what God is doing through the support of T. Teal! Thank you, to all those who are supporting this mission to spread hope and joy to those battling Cancer.

My husband Benjamin and I waiting to receive my chemo,
 and what appears to be gum on the bottom of my show :)

My turn for chemo after handing out Care Packs
Email me at tenaciouslyteal@gmail.com
or Facebook Tenaciously Teal

                             

Til Death do Us Part

5 years of marriage, and 8 years of
togetherness. Here's to hoping for many more!

I was still suffering from the affects of my second surgery to rid my body of  Ovarian Cancer, which had deeply rooted itself  throughout my life, when I heard the sweetest words. The words were not new, they had been heard before, and they were definitely not glamorous.  The voice was familiar but infused with a new inflection of concern.

A concerned tone was certainly not new since my Stage 4 Cancer diagnosis, as I had heard it many times when those I loved grappled with the realization of how things change in an instant. It's the concern that comes natural when faced with the fragility of life, and realization no one is promised a chance to love those we care about forever..at least not here on Earth.

The voice I heard as I struggled to lay there was deep and handsomely gruff. As I heard this voice for maybe the millionth time it was in this moment I came to the full insight of just how lucky I was. I had not realized just how lucky I would become as I heard the voice first say " I love you" and exchange the vows "I DO", and " In sickness and in health" .

Those commonly exchanged words,  often said casually and with the hope that LOVE will be enough. They're the type of words said with anticipation that there will be no testing of  "poorer" , and God forbid" sickness"!

Hope and Love were not enough  to avoid sickness in MY marriage, and most would consider my husband and I to be unlucky to face such a trial. There was a time where I would whole-heartedly agree  we'd been dealt a forbidden "card", but recently I've pondered if we are actually luckier than most. Through it all maybe we have become more aware of what we have to lose?

The customary 1st dance 

Going back to the night I heard that familiar voice, things were looking better or as I heard him say, "we are coming out of the woods, but for awhile it was touch and go". My dearest friend from high school asked  " What can I do?", and the  voice replied, "When her belly hurts mint tea seems to help with the nausea, and  she needs a straw to drink it with. Oh and one more thing she likes tea best with this much honey,  and at night I give her a shot in the stomach at least for the next 30 days. She also needs a couple doses of Mira Lax and a Senna everyday, and I get up with her about every three hours to stay ahead of the pain. Don't worry if you need to do something different she'll let you know!"

Benjamin and I on graduation day. Two days after a chemo infusion.
He always said he'd cry if I graduated with my Masters from OU!

God blessed me with a husband that not only knew what I needed as I faced an uphill battle with Cancer, but also stepped up in times of trouble. And certainly when I wasn't so easy to love. Through Cancer I've learned that love is more than just words or a feeling. Love is defined through perseverance in times of trouble allowing for the opportunity to achieve deeper feelings that infuse our actions and reactions with love and kindness!  It is not through richer, or  better, or in health that we learn what it truly means to love and be loved. Instead,  it is through trials that insistently test our strength and determination that we come out feeling like we have the love movies are based on!

Benjamin and I the day before I graduated with my Masters in
Social Work, and more than  half a year through a rigorous Cancer battle!

I am so blessed that  Benjamin committed to me in marriage 5 years ago on 10/11/08, and has loved me  as we battled Cancer together. My hope is that we all know what it is to love and be loved!

A Day of Care Packs in Pictures

Jessica is the front desk manager at the Grace Stephenson
Cancer Center and she always greets me with a smile each time I go
to chemo.

 My grandmother just moved from Oregon to OKC,
 and has taken it upon herself to start helping me with the
 Cancer Care Packs. These care packs had an extra special "Nanny"
touch with teal ribbon wrapped around the green tea bags

 Cancer Care Packs

1. Gatorade
2. Protein Bars
3. Hand Sanitizer
4. Lotion
5. Note pads
6. Face Scrub
7. Chex Mix
8. Pudding
9. Green Tea
10.Gum
11.Mints
12. Chocolate
13. Crossword puzzles
14. Cheeze- Its
15 Peanut Butter
16. A handwritten note

When you go to chemo you can expect to get poked a
few times.

s

She didn't get that darn vein to "float" as they say, which means push
and hope it goes..
Looking away to pray!

Third time was a charm this go around. Chemo Tip: Drink
lots of water!

Each Care Pack has a hand written note included.

I never knew "Teal for Tarah" would grow into
"Tenaciously Teal" and I have the support and prayers
of so many to thank for that!

Dragging the chemo pole around and handing out
 Care Packs is the best
part about coming to chemo.

This is a special lady battling a rare form of Breast Cancer
She gave me some good advice about handing out Care Packs
at a chemo center she initially had to go to, and one reserved
for those without insurance. I am looking forward to visiting the infusion  center
she spoke of and spreading some more smiles and encouragement to those
who need to be praised for their FIGHT!

In the notes I typically try communicate to people that they are fighters
 just by coming to chemo, encourage them try and keep smiling, look for the Cancer silver linings,and remind them that
 somebody loves them!

Sometimes to keep fighting you have to look the other way
pray and think happy thoughts!

If you would like to help Tenaciously Teal minister to Cancer patients enduring chemo by providing them with a Cancer Care Pack please visit  https://www.etsy.com/shop/TenaciouslyTeal?ref=shop_sugg
Thank you also to Fishwater Tees for selling Fight Like a Girl Tees for Tenaciously Teal's Care Packs
http://www.fishwatertees.com/teal-for-tarah

A Daily Reminder

I haven't posted a lot recently because it is sometimes hard to believe what the last ten months has consisted of. I've had almost thirty chemo infusions, two surgeries, a handful of cat scans, numerous blood draws, and lived at times in the emotional turmoil that comes with Cancer. In the last ten months I've also learned the meaning of true friendship, experienced a mixture of fulfillment and inadequacy, and recently  re experienced the mundane daily aspects that get taken for granted.

As my strength returns, my hair grows back, and I continue to try and smile, the impact of the battle grows evermore distant, but a lasting mark still remains. It hoovers in my mind and in my heart, and it is the remnants of impact not only from Cancer but returning to the ordinary.

The battle not only continues for me as I return for maintenance chemo tomorrow, but for all of us who are fighting their own battles. Darkness shows up as fear, pain, heartache, failure, defeat, self-doubt, despair or even trauma, and unfortunately until we make it to Heaven not one of us can say our lives are free from such burden. In fact I know for myself at times that these feelings are given permission to rule over our lives, and we allow such control in our hearts, to lead to charge over our brains.

Our hearts and our brains are powerful. They can tell us " We are going to make it" or " What is the point?". My heart and my brain often play devil's advocate against each other. One moment it's " we got this" and the next moment I realize how enormous the obstacles in front of me are, and in the same breath how minute my problems are comparatively.

This started out as an update, and I've become sidetracked, so for those still reading I have chemo tomorrow, and will anticipate feeling pretty crummy the next couple days along with living with some severe joint pain until the chemo cycle repeats itself. I could fret over those symptoms, but I can also look forward to returning to work after I recover, and passing out Cancer Care Packs as I've done each time since I started this ministry back in February. I look forward to letting my heart lead tomorrow, and encouraging others who need a reminder that they are fighters

I'll leave you with this  verse of encouragement, Act 2: 25-28. " David said about him: I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices. My body also will live in hope because you will not abandon me to the grave Nor will you let your Holy One see decay.You have made known to me the paths of life. You feel me with joy in your presence.

Be glad, rejoice, and live in hope because He will not abandon you or I. God will make a path so we can be granted the strength to continue and FIGHT LIKE GIRLS!!

If you would like to assist with Tenaciously Teal's Care pack operation you can email me at tenaciouslyteal@gmail.com or purchase a bracelet or shirt. All proceeds go to making Care packs to hand out in the chemo room.

Boomer Sooner & TEAL

Yesterday I experienced my first live opening of college football with around 100,000 other fans who congregated in Norman, OK. Taking it all in I exclaimed to my husband, "everyone not in team colors sticks outs like sore thumb". We both laughed about coming across someone not in their teams color giving it a, "come on man, get with the program." thought.

Now I have not always been a college football fan, so I probably don't have a lot of room to talk.  In fact, when I moved to Oklahoma twelve years ago I wasn't totally sure how the game was even played, and certainly didn't have so much OU gear.

Gaylord Memorial Stadium
covered in Crimson and Cream

Once in the stadium I was in awe of so many there for one purpose, and the roar of the cheers coming from 82,112 other fans inside what a hundred degree day had turned into one hot and steamy playground. I was taken back by the commitment of so many who had come together as a united front, and my mind drifted to the many others gathered in stadiums across the globe and still others who were hunkered down with friends and food in front of their TV's.

Benjamin and I in our Crimson
 and Cream at the OU game.

When it comes to the college football fan there is no doubt who and what they are cheering for, and wearing a specific color aligns you quickly with a team.  Over time, however, those who put on the colors again and again realize those colors, being a fan,  represent more then just a desire to win! Likeness in color  represents being a part of something greater than yourself, it represents family, embodies love, and maybe most importantly symbolizes unity.

 Since last November I have started sporting another team color, and I have definitely acquired a lot more of it! TEAL is the designated color for Ovarian Cancer Awareness, and SEPTEMBER is important because it signifies the start of college football but also represents Ovarian Cancer Awareness month!

There is power in teams, so I am asking my friends and family to come together and help spread the word about a disease that has been referred to as the silent killer. According to The American Cancer Society (2015), ONLY  15%  of Ovarian Cancer patients are diagnosed early, and a women's lifetime risk of developing the disease is 1 in 72. Early diagnosis is key, and helping spread the word by wearing teal throughout the month of September could save a life.

Wear TEAL in SEPTEMBER

This month when you put on your fan colors also remember to wear your Teal, and symbolically stand in unity with the over 14,000 women who will be diagnosed this year and 22,000 who will lose their battle to the disease.

As much as your team needs you the fight against Ovarian Cancer needs you, so wear your Teal and spread the word! There's some teal at the link below, but ANY teal is better than no teal!

www.tteal.org